Is this normal?

I’ve found a midwife. I’ve shared the news with my close friends and family. I’ve booked the first dating scan. I’ve even ordered some more cloth nappies. I know it’s early days, but you can never have too many nappies.

We’re going to move upstairs before the baby comes, meaning he or she will get their own room. I’ve started dreaming about what the room will look like. That beautiful baby smell filling the room. The soft sheepskin on the floor.

I go to the toilet and when I wipe, I notice some light pinky brown discharge on the toilet paper. Is this normal? This goes on for a couple of days. My midwife reassures me that discharge is normal in pregnancy. Some suggest it could be implantation bleeding. I’m not convinced.

It’s day 3 of this unusual discharge now, and based of my menstrual cycle, I’m 6 weeks pregnant. I’m cycling down the road to meet some friends for lunch in town. I meet my husband half way. I start crying when I see him. I have a strong sense that something is wrong. I walk into town with my son happily in the pram. On the way I bump into two Mums I know from a baby/parent group we all used to go to. I want to blurt out that I think I’m miscarrying, but I don’t.

I keep walking. When I see my friends, I tell them what’s going on. I’m torn between enjoying some leisure time with girlfriends and trying not to think about the pair of undies and pad in my bag that I might need to use if I start bleeding.

We take the bus home. As soon as I get in the door, I sit on the loo. There’s blood. Like a period. My instincts were right. The tears flow down my face. I don’t know how to make them stop.