That first day was dreadful. I remember my husband holding me, telling me that miscarriages were common and try not to take it emotionally. I was furious with him. I remember saying to him “death is also common, should we not get emotional about that!?” I know he spoke without thinking and didn’t mean to hurt me. I truly believe he will never understand what it is like to be me, physically losing the babe we made together. But he has been very supportive and loving and has never questioned my emotions since.
Evening comes and I arrive at my brother and sister-in-law’s home to babysit their son. I’m happy to have the distraction. The Olympics are on and they have all the channels. We don’t have a TV so I find it very comforting lying on their couch with a hot water bottle watching the action. For awhile I forget what is really going on. Or maybe I’m just in shock.
I have now come to understand that miscarriage is common. Approximately 1 in 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage. So why didn’t I know much about it? Why did I think it would never happen to me?
I desperately wished my Mum was here. To wipe away the tears. To rub my back. To sit with me. To do the chores that were piling up around us. To tell me I was going to be okay. She had two miscarriages, but she chose not to speak about them to us. I wish I could ask her now.
The Saffron Chronicles 