A couple of weeks pass and the bleeding finally stops. I think about what I’ve lost but I try not to dwell on my experience. I tell myself, this is just a blip. It wasn’t meant to be this time around. I can get through this. My husband tells me on the regular that I’m going to be okay.
I’ve named my babe Haewai Iti. Haewai is the Māori name for our suburb and iti means small. I think Haewai is named after the surf at Houghton Bay. Thrashing and stormy, waves tearing in and dumping on the shore. I love the Bay.
I’m so thankful for what I do have. Jasper is so good to have around. So happy and bright and fun and loveable. I’m grateful for my family and my friends, too. I’m glad I acknowledged this hard time and talked about it. Talking always helps. I think if I kept things to myself, I wouldn’t feel strong.
Life goes on. Lockdown starts and I find I don’t enjoy it nearly as much as the one before. I find I’m not as resilient. I miss my family and freedoms. I feel more weary. Work is stressful and I’m not as tolerant of certain situations. I’m not sleeping well. I’m tired. I still cry sometimes when I wake up in the night. But I’m living and I’m okay.
The Saffron Chronicles 